More Yshira! [loves this story] *pulls out salmon* fish?
Ye gods, Linds, your writing improves every time I turn my back. *runs over and turns bethies back to her again so she can write some more* This is easy to read, fluid, engaging, with lovable characters and natural dialogue.. I hardly know what to say! yay! I'm speechless! My nitpicking brain is struggling, here! Must.. find.. something.. helpful.. to.. say.. the greatest compliment I could get!

“Her feet slowed and her steps shortened in length as she neared.” – maybe ‘as she drew near’? ‘as she neared’ sounds like there should be another word afterwards, to me. I agree. I think I might get rid of the "in length" as well ... not neccessary.
“Her heart thundered fit to burst her chest and little air could squeeze its way into her tight lungs the closer she got.” – for some reason this doesn’t quite make sense this way. It’s to do with ‘little’ – if you read it through, since you have ‘the closer she got’ at the end, it should be ‘less’, but ‘little’ sounds better.. I can’t think of a good way to restructure it other than that though; sorry! that's ok, it's a poorly constructed sentence to begin with, so it's hard to work with. I think I might scrap "the closer she got."
Aww [loves Callum] don't you just love him? *squeezes* He’s adorable, so sweet and gentle, the way he doesn’t touch her shoulder etc.. Nikoli, despite his pretty name, is a nuisance. He better get nicer as this story goes on, or I worry he might rather ruin things.. *sits down with a pad of paper, pencil sharpened and ready to go* now, by ruining things ... do you mean wrecking the story itself because he's such an annoying character, or ruin things for Rihani? *licks pencil tip before placing it on the paper* GACK! *sticks out tongue and tries to wipe off awful taste* I saw that on a movie once and wanted to try it ... don't recommend it!
“much swollen” – I only draw your attention to this one ‘cause I’m not quite sure if you can say ‘much swollen’, could be an American thing though, or I could, alternatively, be going slightly crazy. It's probably not proper english. I have a way of sneaking those things in there.
“Rihani, the dam has broke” – [itches to put an ‘n’ on the end] Is that another American thing? Heh. I know it’s speech, I’m not saying you should change it, I just reeeally want to put an ‘n’ there [slaps hand] *laughs* you better slap that hand ... with an 'n' on the end it changes the meaning completely *winks*
Fantabulous decription of the river bursting its banks ^_^ yay!
“An oak tree that [had] been growing at what would normally [have] be[en] the waters edge” – I think.. sounds good to me *Shrugs shoulders*
“it took every ounce of strength she had not to gasp in hopes of finding some much needed air as blackness closed around her.” – ‘not to gasp in hopes’? I don’t think that should be plural, for starters, and also: why isn’t she allowed to gasp to get some air? erm ... guess I didn't get the point across as well as I'd hoped ... she's under the water at this point. At least I think she is ... now I'm confuzzled!
You’ve become a master of short, engaging descriptions that say a lot in a few carefully chosen words.*blushes at the praise* but I wouldn't say master ... still got lots more improvement in that department Lindsay, I am so, so impressed! And gaahh for cliffhanger endings when you don’t have more written..! all you need is a good bungee cord *smiles convincingly while holding one out*Sorry I couldn’t really find much helpful to say, heh.. I choose to take that as a very big compliment!

*cookies!*