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Lindsay Verde

"Desert Rose - Chapter II" by Lindsay Verde

SF&F Picture 4 out of 29 by Lindsay Verde
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The Pendant



For Epona, the gypsy life is all she has ever known. She has always known that she was different, but could never extract her story from anyone. On one fateful summer morning, under the burning desert sun, she is about to get her wish.

Nov '07 - minor editing of grammar. (Still needing a complete overhaul)


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Chapter Two
The Pendant
______________________________

 

 

Epona looked up from the horse"s hoof she was picking out to find Matin watching her work. He was taller than Epona with short dark hair, currently speckled with sand, and aqua eyes. Ever since Epona turned fifteen he had been turning up frequently. A month ago she had confronted him about it and he had confessed his interest in her. Epona didn"t know why she held his interest; she was nothing like the other girls of the gypsy band. Her blond hair, blue eyes, and pale skin made her stand out amongst the dark hair and dark skin of the gypsies. She"d always wondered how she had come to live amongst them, but any questions she posed were always put off.

 

"Corin is wantin" a meetin" with ya," Matin said walking closer.

 

"Well, he"ll just have to wait until I"ve finished picking this horse"s hooves now, won't he?" Epona replied as she moved onto the mare"s other hoof. Matin just shrugged and kept on watching.

 

"Is there some other message you"re supposed to be delivering or are you just standing there to annoy me?"

 

Matin looked down at the ground as he hunched his shoulders and replied, "I was wonderin" if you were wantin" to go to the Samhain festival."

 

The sun was beating down and reflected off the sand to make the weather especially hot; it was doing nothing to help Epona"s temper. Not to mention the fact that she managed to get sand down her sutah and it was sticking to her sweat-soaked back.

 

"The Samhain festiv ... since when has any gypsy ever attended the New Year Festival?" The mere idea of it was just a little bit absurd.

 

Matin just shrugged, looking extremely uncomfortable as he dug in the sand with his boot. "Well, I"d overheard Corin talkin" "bout havin" a dance trial for those that want ta dance."

 

Epona paused, giving Matin a glare that spoke volumes of her opinion on that subject. Finishing the mare"s hooves, she gave her a slap on the rump that sent her back into the makeshift corral the other horses were milling about. Dusting off her hands, she squinted into the distance.

 

Corin"s tent flap was down, so there was a good chance he was undisturbed within. Now would be a good time to go and get some of her questions answered. Goodness knows Matin didn"t have any answers.

 

She noted that some of the tents were looking a little shabby as she passed. She would have to talk to Corin about supplies for getting them patched. It wouldn"t do to have a tent full of holes during a sandstorm.

 

The southern winds caught the chimes hanging from each of the tents and manifested an orchestra of sound that traveled with the wind as Epona stepped inside the tent. Corin was busy scanning some maps, sitting on a cushion in the middle of a sea of rolled hides. Slipping the sandals off her feet, she stepped onto the rug. One of the women, probably Corin"s cousin, had woven it a few years back. It depicted some ancient battle or other that Epona hadn"t bothered to learn about.

 

"What"s this I hear about holding dance trials for the Samhain?"

 

Snagging a nearby pillow, she dropped it on the rug in front of Corin and landed with a plop. He gave her a disapproving look out of the corner of his eye before returning to the maps spread out before him.

 

Epona didn"t know whether the look had been for her actions or her comment, so she tried a different track, "What are you looking over the maps for?"

 

Without looking up he muttered, "Just scouting out routes before the Samhain. How are the horses?"

 

"Good. Only one has a crack in his hoof and I caught it early enough that it shouldn"t be a problem."

 

"Good," he nodded.

 

"So why are we attending the Samhain all of a sudden this year?"

 

"Mmm," he hummed, brow furrowed at an apparently fascinating bit of the map.

 

Epona was getting frustrated but she tried not to show it. Corin would just play it up even more if he saw he was getting to her.

 

"The reason actually involves you. It"s about some news I received two years ago."

 

"Well?" she said, eyebrows rising when he didn"t continue. What information could he possibly have received two years ago that would be relevant today?

 

"Thirteen and a half years ago our troupe came across a woman in the desert with two little girls. The older of the two had dark wavy hair, but it was the younger who attracted our attention. She had the lightest hair we had ever seen." Corin got up to roll the maps and set them away in an oiled sack at the back corner of the tent.

 

Epona was almost bursting with impatience. She wanted to shout at him to continue. That fair-haired child had to be her, but he had mentioned a woman and child. Her mother?

 

"The fair-haired child had particularly caught the attention of Helah, the lover of Gammid, the previous leader of the gypsy band. Helah had finally come to terms with the fact that she was barren after thirteen years without conceiving. She ordered Gammid to get the golden haired child for her. He refused, though she begged and pleaded with him, saying that it went beyond what his scruples deemed acceptable, and if he didn"t follow his own dictates how could he expect anyone else to? It wasn"t until she threatened to leave him that he gave in. He knew that her leaving wouldn"t only break his heart, but hers as well."

 

The slight light that filtered through the canvas of the tent cast wavering shadows across Corin"s features, making his expression hard to read. Sitting up a bit straighter, Epona arched her back, moving closer as Corin continued.

 

"So one night Gammid crept into the tribe where the woman and child lived and waited outside the tent. When he was certain that everyone inside was asleep, he slipped in and found the little girl. He breathed a simple sleeping charm over her to ensure she remained so until they were away from the camp. As Gammid slipped his arms underneath her she fussed, tossing amidst the clutches of a dream. He froze, holding his breath, listening for movement. When he glanced up, it was straight into the open eyes of a man who had been asleep beside the child."

 

"My father?"

 

"Hold on. Save your question for later," Corin got up and began to pace, fidgeting with a loose thread on his robes.

 

"His opponent gave a cry of fury and launched himself at Gammid, dagger in hand. Gammid, well, he panicked," Epona could hear the hesitation in Corin"s voice as he paused. This all had the sounds of a rehearsed tale.

 

"What? What did he do? Where are my parents, my sister, now?"

 

"Gammid, he-he wasn"t thinking rationally, nor would you if someone were attacking you. It all happened so fast that he didn"t have time to stop himself releasing a blast of power."

 

Shock had Epona"s features going slack as Corin looked guiltily at her. The innate power that every born and bred gypsy seemed to possess was one that was never used against another human.

 

"It was an accident," Corin defended, "and before he could think he"d grabbed the child and raced away as quickly as his injuries would allow to his horse. The band of gypsies were camped only a few sand dunes away from the tribe, but in his condition he barely managed to hand the sleeping child off before he slumped in his saddle."

 

"Helah, who had anxiously been awaiting his return with their daughter, spent the next three days caring for him and praying for his recovery. But it wasn"t destined to be. He died that night and Helah, in her grief, took her life, leaving the fate of the child in her sister"s hands."

 

When Corin glanced up, it was to find Epona watching him with tears of shock pooling in her eyes.

 

"That"s it?" she managed to croak out. "Did," she cleared her throat and tried again, "did they ever find out what had happened to the family?"

 

Corin shook his head. "No. But both parents would definitely have been killed. The other child, I don"t know if she might have survived."

 

"My sister." "I"m sorry Epona, I was only eight at the time this happened and I didn"t know about any of this until two years ago."

 

"So why tell me now?"

 

"Because, there is to be a Samhain festival and all the tribes are to attend this year, including your sister"s."

 

"You know my sister"s tribe? But why tell me all of this?"

 

"No, unfortunately I don"t know your sister"s tribe-"

 

"But then how am I supposed to find her, for I assume you are giving me this information for that purpose," she interrupted in a rush, a little color creeping back into her pallid cheeks as she was unable to hold her frustration at bay.

 

"I hope to make amends to you and your family for the wrongs that were done to you. Gammid only did it for the love of his life. Nothing else could have enticed him to ignore his scruples. This may be your chance to find out if any of your family survived."

 

"But how will I know her, do you have her name?" She lent closer, anxiously holding her breath while hardly daring to hope.

 

"No, but you were both wearing identical pendants."

 

"Of what? What did they look like?" She burst forth, barely able to get the words out in a coherent fashion.

 

"This." He said as he extended his hand toward her, a miniature gold chain dangling from his fingers. From the chain hung a pendant of a design Epona had never seen before. There were two half circles joined at opposite ends by a small sapphire jewel. Ensconced within the two half circles were two stones. The top-most looked to be jade, while the bottom one looked like onyx.

 

"She will be wearing this. You will know her when you find her."

←- Desert Rose - Chapter I | Desert Rose - Chapter III -→

DateNameComment 
2 May 2007:-) Linda M. Billson
Etain! Yep, you guessed right 1

I love the developing customs of the tribe! And how the "orphans" are adopted by the whole tribe is really great. I’m beginning to feel very glad that I came up with that idea. At first I thought it would come across as totally unbelievable and cheesy to the reader, but I guess I was wrong. Shows you that I’m not very good at critiquing my own things It shows that while they don’t really make any promises concerning marriage or anything, they (at least this is the impression I got) are loyal. squee *hugs*

The singing was beautiful. 1 To read about, I mean. *chirrups happily* oh, I’m so glad! I read a book with singing in it and it seemed so magical and peaceful and wonderful (can’t tell I like the book eh? lol) and I was hoping that I would be able to capture just a bit of that here. I was really worried that it didn’t come across very well.

I’m thinking my favourite character so far is now Etain. Yay, another person to join my club. So far I think I’m the only one in it besides you. Everyone else seems to like Timo, so I decided to be different. Something about her, the way you brought her character through, just made me like her right away. I really like her personality as well. On a side note, I’m going to try and create a piece where I can comfortably fit a character that resembles myself in mannerisms (besides the craziness) and thought patterns, just to see how it turns out. So far, I haven’t been able to do it with the worlds I have created. And I have a thing for grey eyes 12.

And yes, I’m also interested in the love triangle between Etain, Timo and Zane. Poor girl. 1 Ah, that seems to have come across differently than I meant it to, but it seems like one of those unexpected bonus’! 1
28 Jan 2008:-) Glo 'the Bug' Bowden
Ho, wow. The plot thickens. I’m really liking Epona’s sass. Poor Matin though; poor guy’s smitten, but just doesn’t seem quick enough to keep up with her.

Hmm...here’s a thought to take or leave. The reader isn’t really given enough time to sympathize with Epona’s not knowing her background, so the revelation doesn’t feel like as big a deal as it could be.

:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "Yeah, I enjoy writing sassy characters a lot ... there’s also Miral from Morwood Tales, Natalie from Hunting by Night and The Copper House.

Yeah, I don’t know what I’m going to do with Matin. He’s one of those guys that seems really nice and you just want to shake him and wake him up ... there’s someone better out there for him who’ll appreciate him! I don’t know if he’ll ever realize that fact though.

I agree. There’s still so much work I have to do on this piece. I think I’m going to try and finish writing off the rest of it before I go and edit any more because I’ll scare myself off of finishing it otherwise.

Thanks for dropping by to read and comment! I always love getting them even if I don’t respond right away. I’m stuck at school until the ultrasound clinic is finished and then I have to walk the dogs that were in the clinic once they’re done."
4 Jun 2008:-) Linda M. Billson
Stories like that always make me sad. 8 Their poor parents, dead. *Sigh* But, I suppose it had to happen, didn’t it?

Still love it. 1 And Etain is still my favourite character.

:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "Yeah ... I feel sorry for them, their whole family torn apart. The only thing I can say is that at least it was near the beginning of the story so you didn’t get attached to the characters."
22 Jun 2008:-) B. Layne Weaver
Heya, Liz! At long last, I’m back! Despite this having been the week between spring quarter and summer quarter at uni, I still managed to be busy with work o,0 But, my credit cards won’t pay themselves down, so ... I guess I can’t complain ^_^

Her blond hair, blue eyes, and pale skin made her stand out amongst them, but any questions she posed were always put off.
For females, blonde should be used. Actually, I don’t know how very strict that rule is, but it has something to do with the word’s origins--French?--and ’blond’ is used for males while ’blonde’ is reserved for females.

This Matin guy is indeed intriguing, though! Mm, dark hair and aqua eyes? Sounds gorgeous! ^_~

"Well, he’ll just have to wait until I’ve finished picking this horse’s hooves now won’t he?" Heheh, attagirl, Epona! One small thing: should be a comma before ’won’t he?’ to set it off as a... a... well, heck, I’m not sure what it’s called exactly. It’s when you start a sentence out as a statement, but then tack something on at the end to make it a question. I’ll give you an example, yes? See! See! I did it! 1 *is far, far too easily amused at the moment for some reason*

But yeah, I’m a self-proclaimed comma nazi. Students at the university fear me when they come into the Tutoring Center. Muahahahaaaa!! ... ... Well, okay, not really... but I like to think I scare them. >.> <.<



:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "Hey! Ah, I don’t have any credit cards but I know the feeling of having to pay bills!

Ah yes, the ever cursed blonde ... I do know that one but I think this piece was from before I corrected that particular mistake. I’m always forgetting the e for blonde.

[Dreamy sigh] if only the characters I imagine could be real! [starts singing What a Wonderful World]

[Chuckles] sassy characters are my favourite. Miral from Morwood Tales is another one that I enjoy writing.

If I’m ever in a comma crisis, I’ll know who to come to!"
22 Jun 2008:-) B. Layne Weaver
Not to mention the fact that she managed to get sand down her sutah and it was sticking to her sweat-soaked back.
Aiaa! I can almost feel the grit! Matin, you’d better run while you can, mate!

The southern winds caught the chimes hanging from each of the tents and manifested an orchestra of sound that traveled with the wind as Epona stepped inside the tent.
Oh! Pretty! I miss having windchimes >.< I had a fabulous set once that I bought during my first trip to Canada. Had the clearest, most melodic sounds...

*blinks*

Oh, I’m supposed to be commenting on the story, aren’t I?--and not rambling?

*hangs head sheepishly*

Epona didn’t know whether the look had been for her actions or her comment, so she tried a different track {,} "What are you looking over the maps for?"
Since "she tried a different track" is more of a bit of narrative rather than a dialogue tag, I would end it with a period rather than that comma I’ve marked.



:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "I absolutely Hate the feeling of wet sand underneath my clothes.

That one was suggested to me by Stephanie, I think ... I needed to add more auditory to my story so she suggested wind chimes ... or was it Sabrina? I’ll have to go back and re-read the comments about this section to find out. I love wind chimes ... there’s just something about sitting out on the patio during the setting sun with the chimes tinkling in the breeze ... [sigh] so peaceful."
22 Jun 2008:-) B. Layne Weaver
You have a very nice writing style, Liz. It seems that it comes naturally--nothing feels forced. Very pleasant to read ^_^

She ordered Gammid to get the golden haired child for her. --> should be "golden-haired."

"It was an accident," Corin defended, "and before he could think [*] he’d grabbed the child and raced away as quickly as his injuries would allow to his horse."
Needs a comma where I’ve placed the asterik, otherwise a reader might not find where the natural pause goes and accidently read it as "before he could think he’d grabbed the child *pause*"... see what I mean? I can be vague in my explanations sometimes >.,

"...but in his condition he barely managed to hand the sleeping child off before he slumped in his saddle." --> because Corin’s dialogue continues uninterrupted in the next paragraph, you don’t need the close-quotes at the end of the sentence.

"My sister." "I’m sorry, Epona, I was only eight at the time..." --> forgot to do a new paragraph there ^_^

Very intriguing chapter! I’m curious how Corin knows that her sister will be wearing that pendant. I shall return tomorrow for more! *huggles*

:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "Thanks, though what you’re reading has gone through several editing sessions already ... so I don’t know how much of that is actual naturalness and what’s from having been edited. Just a warning though, chapter three hasn’t been updated since I originally put it up because I had to transfer my data from computers and when it did that it changed the format for my word processing and I had to re-write all of my stuff because it came out with a large space between paragraphs that it wouldn’t allow me to delete ... and chapter three is one of those ones that I haven’t gotten around to writing up and fixing because of that - but it has been edited from what’s already up - the changes just haven’t been up loaded."
22 Aug 2008:-) Amanda Nikese
I’m stuck with IE right now so I will make this comment short. Great overall! I really enjoyed it. This world is so vivid! And the plot holds promise.

:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "IE? (I’m hoping this isn’t me just being dense on this one 10 )

Glad you liked it! I’m excited about the changes I can make when I go back and clean this piece up in the first full edit. I know it’s super choppy and not a lot happens - which I’m hoping to rectify."
23 Aug 2008:-) Amanda Nikese
IE = Internet Explorer. It has a healthy appetite for elfwood comments. Ok so I notice a considerate lack of infodumps, gotta give you respect for that 12, especially as you as giving us some back-story, and it’s easy to fall into the infodump trap while setting up the past. I think it was a good move to limit this chapter to just Epona.

:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "I got that about 2 minutes after I’d replied to the thing and felt quite stupid, lol. Yeah, safari really likes eating comments too ... and changing it so that when you reply to the comment, there’s a completely different comment there that was already on your page a couple comments up. That’s happened to me a couple of times. I’ve learned to write my comments in notebook and then copy and paste them so it doesn’t tend to do that.

After seeing this one combined with the first chapter I felt it would really stand out more if I separated them ... which I think it has. I’m lucky you didn’t read this before I edited it ... I really worked hard so that it didn’t appear like a huge info-dump ... which I can get trapped into quite easily."
28 Aug 2008:-) Debbie Newcomb
So... some long-lost sisters.... dead parents... pretty, identical pendents... this is shaping up to be one interesting tale.

:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "Ah, yes, the Queen of Cliches does it again! Mwahaha ... but at least the middle and end are (I hope) original and not so cliched."
12 Sep 2008:-) Barbara J. Wickham
I’m liking Epona! Right away I know she’s my kind of character.

I guess my question in chapter 1 has been answered. I’m assuming it’s safe to guess that Epona and Etain are the long-separated sisters. Their beginning in life was tragic, but the future looks bright and I am very excited to see what they make of each other.

Another thought I’m having is that there are going to be some very interesting things going on in the love department. *wink wink*

I’ve gotta run, but let me just finish by saying that I am really enjoying the story thus far. 1

:-) Lindsay Verde replies: "Sassy characters are just so much fun to write and read! There seem to be an abundance of them that pop up on my page ... Miral, Natalie, etc.

Hahaha, that’s only if I can get up the gumption to write them ... I’m such a lily liver when it comes to actually writing romance.

I’m so glad that you’re enjoying it! Hopefully it’ll get much more captivating the more you read.O"
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About 'Desert Rose - Chapter II':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Lindsay Verde
 • Copyright: ©Lindsay Verde. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Etain, Princess, Daughter, Tribe, Hakkau, Horses, Dogs, Tents, Desert
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Romance, Emotion, Love, Celtic
 • Views: 510


More by 'Lindsay Verde':
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The Last Ignithian Chapter 3 & 4
The Last Ignithian Chapter 2
Shatterglass Part II
TLI 00: Aliyah & Ivan 1/2
Cast Me Gently
At World's End
Desert Rose - Chapter I

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